Tomorrow.

This little guy starts school tomorrow.  Our Mr. Charlieman will be 14 weeks old to the day.  The same age we started Jack in daycare.  This is the third time we've done this and it doesn't get easier.  Well, maybe a little.  It's easier in that I know what to expect.  The devil you know is always better than the one you don't.  I know my heart will break as I drive away from Kiddie Kottage.  I know I will be checking my phone all day, waiting for a phone call or wondering if I should call to check on him for the umpteenth time.  But knowing this doesn't make it easier overall.  Tomorrow someone else will be snuggling him and comforting him when he cries. He won't be able to relax initially because that person won't be me or Andy.  After 14 nonstop weeks with this little guy, we know each other.  I know how to calm him, how to burp him, how to make him laugh, how to bounce him just right to get him to drift off to sleep, how to just be his mom.  And the mom guilt will be there again - full force.  Making me feel like crap for having to work instead of being home with him.  Making him have to wait while 3 other babies have their needs met before his in the nursery.  Not having that one on one attention that every kid deserves. That sucks and is a hard pill to swallow.

Now, don't get me wrong.  He will be loved.  The teachers at KK are so wonderful and they will shower him with attention and affection.  But I want it to be me.  And it won't.  But just like his siblings before him, I know he will love it.  He will grow up normal, well-adjusted, loved, and will never turn to me and say, "why did you have to put me in daycare?"  I'm totally confident about that.  But I will always wish, the same way I did with Lucy and with Jack, that this time could have stretched on just a bit more.

Regardless of what I wish or want, tomorrow is coming.  Thankfully, it'll be the last time I have to go through that first day of daycare with a baby ever again.  And I have truly enjoyed these past 3 months and done my best to savor every moment and be grateful for all this time with Charlie.  Most moms get half that time.  I will always be grateful and thankful for my one on one time with Charlie.  And I also have to remember, it's only 4.5 months until summer break :)

Oh, and the promise of snow days :)